Howdy all!

As mentioned in my last post,
I’ve had a bit of time off from blog writing recently, I’ve been a busy Man-Child! What with work, being ill, weekends out, and of course parenting, I
haven’t had any free time to write anything! Parenting is a full time job,

*who knew?*
So anyway, I have finally
managed to get this post done! Since my posts last month, Albert has passed his ten-week ‘birthday’, and is doing well (When you stick your tongue out he now
mimics you, and sticks his tongue out back at you, something which I am
classing

**as the act of a genius baby**). So ever since his birth, we have been recording all his feeds and all his nappy changes in a little book**(‘The Poo Diary’)**, so we could monitor when he was due to feed and altogether be super-organised. (FYI it’s good practise to do this for babies, but not as an adult, that’s weird). Once we filled up the diary we realised we had a whole 6 week’s worth of data on feeding and nappy changes! A whole book’s worth, what a novel it will make. So I did what any geek parent would do, I whacked it all into Excel, chucked in some formulas and started to analyse that bad boy! It’s interesting reading to find out just how many nappy changes a baby has per week (more than I ever imagined).
As I am using Excel, I have done
what any normal person does and followed the main rules of Excel, which are:

**A) If you can use a formula, even for the easiest of sums, then do so.**

**B) Always make the formula as long and complicated as possible.**

Obviously data from a
spreadsheet taken out of context doesn’t mean anything, so rather than just
copy and paste it all here, I have cherry picked the tasty bits and noted them
all below. Hmmm cherries. I realise not everyone is going to be interested in Excel
spreadsheets (if not, why not?) but I have included something on how each bit
was worked out as well at the end (just in case). I’ve used all sorts of
formulas, including my favourite formula, the

**COUNT**formula. Because**Count Formula**sounds like some sort of Excel Vampire Lord from Transylvania. Which sounds like an excellent idea for a educational cartoon/horror?
I should probably add a

*Disclaimer*at this point, I have gone purely off the data in the book, and as any parent knows, trying to concentrate and look after a newborn don’t go hand in hand, so I am fully aware there may be some mistakes! I have tried my best. Trying to remember when your baby last pooed at 5 in the morning when you’ve had barely any sleep for 2 days isn’t easy.
We recorded Feed Volume (in
millilitres), Time of Feed (GMT), Time of Nappy
Change (GMT), and Type of Dirty Nappy (More of that later! Who knew there were
so many different types of poo?)

FYI we used a

**Black Bic Biro**, the daddy of all pens. Anyone who says a Bic biro isn't the best pen I will challenge to a duel.So onto some analysis (how exciting), here is the info for the first 6 weeks of Albert’s life:

__Feeds__
Total Feeds

**- 253**
That works out at about

**42**feeds of milk per week.
Or

**6**feeds per day.
On average he fed every

**4 hours**for the first 6 weeks of his life, and that is pretty much still the case now.**Analysis**

I wish I could drink milk 42
times a week! (I love milk, specifically milkshakes). That’s a lot of feeds. 6
per day is classic baby-drinking. He normally goes around 3-4
hours between feeds, and then a bigger sleep at the end of the day, so the
average coming out at around 6 feeds per day is right (and also what it says on
the Aptimil box, so that’s good he isn’t feeding on average 12 times a day like I would be, I'm like
some sort of

*Milk-Demon*). Luckily this wasn’t every 4 hours like clockwork for the**WHOLE**6 weeks, otherwise we would never have any sleep longer than 4 hours. Which is classed as torture in most countries.

__Volume of Feeds__
The Mean Average feed of milk was

**138.4ml.**
The Mode Average Feed of milk was

**150ml.**
Total Volume of milk is

**35010ml**, or**35 litres.****Analysis**

Wow talk about a lot of milk, I
guess if you drink milk on average 6 times a day, then after 6 weeks you will
have bashed through a whole load of crates of milk. Just to put it into
perspective, 138.4ml is just over a third of a can of coke, or around 3 shot
glasses of milk. Imagine sitting down to lunch to have 3 shot glasses of milk?
No wonder he cries a lot, he must be starved.

Just a very quick maths lesson, the Mean Average is the average where they are all added together and divided by how many their are. The Mode Average is the most common anmount of any 1 value.

I think the Average Mode feed reflects his most common feed as he drank 150ml of milk most of the time. Not to mention the Mode average is cooler, as it always makes me think of

**MATHS TEACHER MODE STOP.**I think the Average Mode feed reflects his most common feed as he drank 150ml of milk most of the time. Not to mention the Mode average is cooler, as it always makes me think of

**Depeche Mode**. And 80s music is awesome (and the Mean average is just mean, he’s a dickhead)
So anyway, after 6 weeks of feeds, there was an
overall total of 35 litres of milk?? Holy cow, glad he isn’t lactose
intolerant! Maybe he is though, maybe that’s why he poos so much. Anyway, 35
litres is a lot, no matter how you look at it. And if you didn’t know what 35
litres of milk is, then it’s about the same as 17 and a half bottles of coke,
which looks like this:

Or put it this way, if you took
the same volume of petrol as that of milk he had drank, and you had a brand new

**2013 3 Door, Petrol, Volkswagon Golf S with a manual gearbox**, you could drive it around 443 and half miles. Which if you drove from Lands End in a northerly direction, you’d make it all the way to Penrith in Cumbria,*nearly the length of the country.*All that powered by the amount of milk a baby drinks in 6 months. Make of that what you will.
If you want another

**FF**(fun fact), if you took his average bottle of milk and poured it into an Olympic swimming pool, you would have to do it at least*18,063,584*times to fill it up. Now**THAT**is a lot of milk.

__Time of Feeds__
Depeche Mode feed –

**6.10pm****Analysis**

I did also work out all the
times for all the feeds

**BUT**... he spent his first few weeks feeding randomly, by the end of the 6 weeks he was in a routine and sleeping through the night. So all the average times of feeds really don’t make a lot of sense! The only good stat to take from this is the Depeche Mode feed, which was 6.10pm. For his first 6 weeks of his life, the most common time he fed was ten past six. All this really means is that when the news comes on, we know it’s time to go and get his bottle ready.

__Nappy Changes__
Total nappy changes was

**250.**
Average of

**42**per week.
Or

**6**nappy changes per day.
Of which

**1.3**were pooey and**4.6**were wet.
There is a

**22.4%**chance you will find some form of poo when you open that nappy up.**Analysis**

Just like the milk, that’s a lot
of nappies. Which means a lot of wee and a lot of poo. It almost works out at
exactly 1 nappy change per feed, which seems bang on as we almost always
changed his nappy at the same time as feeding him. (It’s like there is only so
much room in him for milk, it only comes out the bottom end when the milk goes
in the top end, he is basically a giant hydraulic tube)

At different points over the 6
weeks it seemed like he was either pooing uncontrollably or not pooing for
days, so I guess working out the average at 1 poo per day seems right. I feel
sorry for the parents whose children poo every single nappy.

**I hope you find peace in your next life.**For us, it was a 1 in 4 chance you will find poo when you open the nappy up, it’s like a scratchcard in reverse, but you don’t win money,*you just win poo.*
Just so you know, when we
recorded the poos, we normally marked down them down as wet or dirty (or both).
There were a few instances of

*Uber-Poo*being recorded, and one memorable time of a**MOAS**being recorded.**A Mother Of All Shits**. The less questions asked about the**MOAS**the better.
Also I looked at the average
nappy we used, which was a

*Pampers*size 2. If you took all the nappies he used over 6 weeks, and folded them open, they would make a line**85 metres long***How long is that you ask? Oh about the length of***.****8 and a half double decker buses**, which looks like this:
If you want to go on height,
then if you stretched all the nappies out and stood them vertically, believe or
not, it would be higher than Nelson’s Column. In fact it would be around

**80%**of the height of**Big Ben**. Ding dong!
If you want to measure that in
time,

**Usain Bolt**could run the length of the nappies in around 8.14 seconds. I could run the length of the nappies in around*28.14 seconds.*
Interesting, this leads to the
quite awesome fact, that

**if Usain Bolt could run up walls, he could run up the length of Big Ben in 9.2 seconds.**Now that’s an Olympic event I would watch! That's what that would look like, in this incredably realistic*not-at-all photoshopped*picture.

__Time of Nappy Changes__
Depeche Mode change –

**4pm****Analysis**

Not much to say here other than
a similar thing to the times of the feeds. They are so random for the first few
weeks of his life, that they skewer the data for the whole 6 weeks. All we can
take from the Depeche Mode nappy change is that he most often needed a change
at 4pm, which is now referred to as

**The Pooey Hour.**

__Average Day__
So taking that all that
information above into account, that would mean his average day is:

**6 feeds at 150ml each.**

**6 nappy changes, of which 1 will contain some form of poo.**

I used the Depeche Mode for this
average again, because I love the 80s.

And that’s about it, again I apologise
for some of my shotgun maths, I assume

*something*has gone wrong somewhere!
I really wanted to work out the
difference in time between each of the feeds, so I can see when he did all his
long sleeps, but I’ve spent long enough on it and I can’t figure out a way to
do this without going through it and counting them all up individually! Any
Excel geniuses out there that can help? Any Count Formulas that want to lend
their expertise?

If for some reason anyone would
like a look at the spreadsheet of the data, formulas and analysis then let me
know, you can tweet me on

*@DudasPriest*or use the form at the side to email me, and I can send it on to you.
Anyone else monitored their
baby’s feeding and pooing like this and have any of their own analysis? I doubt
it but let me know!

Here we go if you are still interested!

__Feeds__
I added all the values of the
feeds into the spreado, and then did a

**COUNT**formula at the end to count the value of each day. I did a**COUNT**formula so that blank cells wouldn’t have a value counted towards it, so it just worked out the number of feeds (rather than total volume). Then I added in simple**SUM**formula to add up the count of each days feeds, and then divided that by 6 to get the average per week, and then by 42 for the average for each day. I rounded off to the nearest whole numbers, as you can’t really have a decimal of a feed. You either feed or you don’t! I then manually minused the water feeds as there were only 7 of them and I had highlighted them in yellow when I was entering the data.
To work out the average milk
feeds over the whole weeks was a simple 42 days x 24 hours to get 1008 hours total,
then divided by 253, the number of milk feeds. I then rounded off to 4.

*Simples!*

__Volume of Feeds__
Each feed was recorded in ml,
and entered in the spreadsheet with General formatting. I did a

**SUM**formula of the whole of the data to get the total in ml of feeds. I then manually added up the volume of the water feeds (as there were only 7), and misused from the total volume to get the milk volume. I then divided by the total amount of milk feeds to get the average (mean) of the milk feed. To get the volume in litres I divided by 1000 (as each litre has 1000ml in it).
To work out the Depeche Mode
feed volume, I used the

**MODE**formula =MODE(D3:L9)
A coke can is 330ml, of which a
third is 110ml (just under the average feed). A shot glass is around 45ml, so 3
of them is 135ml, pretty close to 138.4ml. A bottle of coke is 2 litres, so
35/2 is 17.5 bottles.

I looked up the specs of a brand
new VW Golf S, and can see it has a combined MPG between urban and country
driving, of 57.6. I took the amount of ml of milk drank (35010) and converted
that to gallons (works out at 7.7), which I then multiplied by the MPG to get
total distance in miles, which I then put into Google maps.

I googled the size of an Olympic
swimming pool so hopefully it’s right, and got these dimensions and maths to
work out the volume in litres:

Olympic size pools measure: 50
metres long, 25 metres wide, and a minimum of 2 metres deep.

25m x 50m x 2m = 2,500m

25m x 50m x 2m = 2,500m

^{3}; 1L = 0.001m^{3}so 2,500 x 1000 = 2,500,000L
2,500,000
litres x 1000 to get the ml is 2,500,000,000, which is then divided by the
average feed of 138.4ml to get 18,063,584 (which I had rounded off to the
nearest whole number)

__Time of Feeds__
Right, I did initially enter all
the times into the spreadsheet and put some formulas on them, but I didn’t use
this in my final analysis. The reason why is that the feeds for the first week
or so were so random, it just skewered all the data. We recorded the 1

^{st}, 2^{nd}3^{rd}feeds of the day etc all the way up to 9 (as one time he feed 9 times in a day, but the overall average was 6) Also when we recorded the times, we recorded them from midnight to midnight. The times when Albert had a feed after midnight and then had a long sleep just messed up the average time of each feed per day. So I just decided to leave this all out. However the data was all still there, and I spent ages doing the formulas and am a little proud, so I included it here anyway!
So initially we had all the
times worked out in the book and I was a little stumped as to how to enter them
to successfully show times, rather than just plain data. The Formatting for
Time always seemed to include a 00:00:0000 date first, and I couldn’t be
bothered to manually enter the full date each time. So in the end I bodged up
this solution, which is properly overkill, and as such is in the spirit of
Excel. I had a separate data table elsewhere on the spreadsheet where I entered
each time as a 24 clock format, with the formatting set to Custom, and set as
0\:00. I entered each of the values with a single digit (or double if it had
double digits in the hour), like this: 300 for 3am, 800 for 8am, 1145 for
11.45am, 1530 and 3.30pm and 2200 for 10pm etc. I then had the main data fields
at the top with the rest of the data, with formulas in that referred back to
the data chart. These formulas changed the data from the 24 clock format, to
something easier to read. Mainly because a) I could, and b) I wanted to read
the time as 8am, or 3:30pm rather than 800 or 1530. The formula I used for this
was:

**=TIME(TRUNC(Q118/100),MOD(Q118,100),0)**

To work out the average time of
each feed in the whole column was more tricky, because not all the columns were
filled (eg there was always a 1

^{st}feed for the day, but not always a 8^{th}or 9^{th}feed), so I couldn’t just highlight the whole column divide by 42 (the amount of days) as there wasn’t always 42 volumes. In the end I put together this formula, which added up the totals of all the times (as they were recorded in data form) and divided by the COUNTA (not COUNT) figure for the column, it looked like this (and I am 95% sure it’s right)**=(SUM(P3:P44))/(COUNTA(P3:P44))**

The Depeche Mode was again a
basic MODE formula across the whole of the time data.

__Nappy Changes__
This was worked out in much the
same way as the times he fed. I had

**COUNTA**formulas for each day, and then did a**SUM**formula to total them up. Then the normal divide by 6 for the average per week and divide by 42 for the average per day.
To work out the poo and wee
ratio took slightly longer. When we recorded the nappy state, we noted it down
as a number of things. I entered all of these into the data. We had W for Wet,
D for Dirty, B for Both, U for Uber-Poo and M for ~~safely~~ probably assume that every time
he did a poo, he did some form of wee as well, we just couldn’t notice as there
was poo everywhere (and it stunk so we did it quick and didn’t investigate the
nappy in depth). So in the end I worked out the totals of each W, D, B, U and M
using this

**Mother Of All Shits**(of which we only had 1 thankfully). Looking back I think there were many times we noted down Dirty when it was probably both. We can**COUNTIF**formula:**=COUNTIF(Y3:AF44,"W")**

And then the percentage of each
of those totals, using this formula:

**=AC51*(100/AC49)**

But to get the total figures of
just Wee or Poo, I already had the percentage of nappies that were just wee, so
I just minused that from 100 to get the percentage for times there was some
sort of Poo (100 minus 77.6, the simplest sum in this post)

To work out the poos and wees
per day, I just divided the Total Wees and Total All Types Of Poo by 42 and
rounded off.

Each nappy is 17cm folded and
then 34cm when unfolded. 34cm x the total number of nappies at 250 is 8500cm,
which is 85 metres. I find this hard to believe too, I am sure I have messed up
the maths somewhere!

I googled the length of a London
bus and found out that the average buses in London range from 9.5 to 11.1
metres, so I got 10.3 down the middle as an average. Then divided the total
length of nappies by the length of an individual bus.

The height of Big Ben is 96
metres, so I worked out the percentage of that which 85 metres is (which is
81.6%)

Usain Bolt can run 100 metres in
9.58 seconds, which is the World Record. Assuming he goes at the same speed for
the whole 100 metres, which is wrong because he doesn’t, but assuming he does
because it makes the maths easier. It’s the total time divided by 100, then
multiplied by 85 metres for the nappies, and by 96 metres for Big Ben.

__Time of Nappy Changes__
Exactly the same way as the
times of the feeds. Separate data chart and longer formulas than probably
necessary.

And if you're still reading after all that, he's a print screen of the whole spreadsheet!

And if you're still reading after all that, he's a print screen of the whole spreadsheet!

I love your attention to detail here and all your comparisons! I remember saying to my wife that it'd be a good idea if there was an app where you could record feeds and times of feeds. If it was also possible to add in data about nappy filling, I suggested that 'the log log' would be a good name (...proof that being a dad is bringing out my childish sense of humour!).

ReplyDeleteJonathan

Thanks Jonathan! The Log Log is a good name! We also considered the Encyclopoodia.

ReplyDeleteApparently there are a few apps for measuring feeds etc, we but didn't use them and just started in a notebook with a bic so we just carried on from there. I do wonder if they are any good!

Hilarious. Just think how you'll be able to use this data to embarrass later in life. "Do you have any idea how many times I changed your diaper? Because I do! And I have the Excel spreadsheet to prove it!" Favorite stat: 22.4% chance you will find some form of poo when you open that nappy up. Good job.

ReplyDeleteThanks Cort, maximum embarassment potential. Imagine on his 18th birthday when I come out with 18 years worth of nappy and pants usage. We have decided to keep up The Poo Diary, at least for a while, so maybe I'll have a whole year's worth of data at some point in the future. How many nappies does it take to get to the moon??

ReplyDeleteI just worked it out actually as I'm 'busy' at work, it would take 1,130,520,400 unfolded nappies to get to the moon.

ReplyDeleteI loved the milk map, completely cracked me up, as did the expertly photoshopped big ben image. I am impressed with your ability to actually keep up with every feeding and change.

ReplyDeleteThanks Jack, I have to say most of credit for recording the data goes to my wife, she is much better at it than I am!

ReplyDeletePhotoshopping skills are all mine however :D